DNA Tan

Envious? Well, success is what you deem to be.

Rebecca and I was having lunch today when a colleague decided to join us at the table. As soon as she sat down, she began to make some small talk with us about work and life. Then she turned the focus of the conversation to my 3rd pregnancy and said that she's very envious of me. This colleague was of a marriageable age perhaps a decade ago, is currently still single. Fetching home a handsome sum of graduate's pay every month, I bet she probably has more that others are envious of.

I totally understand when she said that she's envious of me. Expecting my 3rd bundle of joy when I'm still shy of 28 probably makes many wonder where did my motivation come from. Yes, I'm indeed proud of my 'achievement'. But the harsh reality is that I needed to give up many things in order to get to where I am today. While many college counterparts are planning their annual or more frequent holidays, I pale in heartache. When long lost friends re-introduce themselves with some fanciful salutation pasted before their names, I wondered if I'll like to be in their position. When colleagues are engrossed in the many projects going on throughout the year, I reflected why I wasn't trusted with any of these tasks at all.

Heading back home after work everyday had become my routine that sometimes I think I'm shortchanging myself of a lifestyle that many other 27 year-olds are enjoying. Friends talk about new guys they meet during a clubbing night, the most fashionable way to wear your top and all those 'blah blah blah' that I'm deprived of; sometimes I can only listen and convince myself that I can no longer be part of that community. But if you were to ask me, if I'd still choose my current lifestyle against one that promises more freedom, I'd still choose to be a Mummy. Though my graduate's pay has to be divided into so many shares, though I can't pursue a 2nd degree, though I'm less engaged at work, I'm definitely happy as a young mum.

Money can wait, Europe can wait, more paper qualifications can wait; but motherhood joy is too tempting to be shelved.