DNA Tan

The Miracle In a Mother's Hug - Helen Burns

I want to be a perfect Mummy, but Im not even close. That's why Im learning to be one, yet there's no such thing as a perfect Mummy. Still, I strive to be a good Mummy. I fell in love with this book the moment I took this off one of the shelves from Ion's Prologue. It was however, too pricey so I did not buy it until last weekend where there was a 25% storewide discount. There were many reading moments when I felt like crying triggered by many meaningful and though-provoking phrases. Here are some to share.

Children crave their mother's physical presence in their lives. It's paramount to their development. Other people can be important, but there is no replacement for Mum.
I have always strive to be there for my kids since the day I was promoted to a Mummy. I never lived a day without feeling guilty that I need to leave them behind for economic purposes. I never lived a day without worrying if they are well taken care of when Mummy's not around. Other care givers can make sure they are alive when Mummy is home, but only Mummy can make sure that they live every single minute loved and treasured. I know why my ambition from young is to be a housewife/mother (maybe not so much of an ambition to you), cause I want to be there when my kids fall, when they are sleepy or hungry, when they first realise they are capable of a new trick and look to me for affirmation, when they simply need my presence in the home wherever they turn their heads in search for me.

Children become spoiled when parents substitute presents for presence.
Hubby and I are totally guilty of this. Whenever we need to leave for work and they boys are at our heels begging us not to go, we'll patronise them with the idea that our absence will be compensated by presents when we're back later. Donovan took to this rather well but is beginning not to be enticed by the treats already. Sweets, Ben 10 stickers, ice-cream, new DVDs can never quite make up to our companionship and the opportunities to bond and nurture them. If we don't treasure our time with them now, we may end up losing our rights to a wonderful future with them when they grow up.

All children need a mother's encouragement. Their self-esteem is derived largely from Mum's acceptance and love towards them from infancy on.
Children need to know that they are valued and loved. One of the ways which we can show is by words of encouragement. Donovan and Dominus are boys who are hungry for independence. Yet their bodies aren't totally geared up for tasks like buttoning, strapping and working on a new shoe, drinking soup from spoons without spilling at all etc. They often get very agitated and upset with themselves, and even those around them (it wasn't even our fault for being around!!). That is when they need words of encouragement to soften them and convince them that Mummy is around and help is just a word away. With encouragement, they can feel good about themselves and grow up to be a more confident kid.

Love Dad.
This is an absolute. When Daddy and Mummy are mutually in love, the children can feel the peace and love too. This love forms the basis and foundation to the family and holds the fort should there be rain and storms. Believe me, children are very sensitive to the feelings, behaviours and interactions between parents. They are able to sense when things are wrong. However, Donovan is one big green-eyed monster and would fly into a rage whenever he sees Daddy and Mummy having slightly more intimate exchanges than just talking. A peck on the cheek, holding hands or even a kind gesture of helping Daddy to hold something, Donovan would be upset. Dominus on the other hand is more magnanimous. When he sees Daddy kissing Mummy, he'll come over and give Mummy a kiss too. We're still quite puzzled about Donovan's anger and are still working on finding a solution.

Inherent in a mother's hug is her friendship. When we show love to our children consistently over the years, we prepare the groundwork for a wonderful and lasting friendship.
I have not been a mother long enough for my children to look to me from mothering needs to friendship needs. But I can forsee that I will need to work on developing a trusting relationship with them so that they can count on me being there for them regardless to share happiness or sorrows. I want to be there when they are battling exams after exams, I want to be there when they first encounter love at first sight, I want to be there when they nurse their first break-up, I want to be there when they graduate, I want to be there when they got through their first job interviews, I want to be there when they have their children and ask me 'How did you manage to do it?'......

....the very moment our children enter our lives, we begin to prepare them to leave...
Through many different transitional stages, we are slowly preparing our children to be equipped with the skills to survive one day without us. They learn to feed, bathe and clothe themselves, they learn to behave and interact with the people around them, they learn whatever it takes for them to land a job that earns them a living etc. Though I often marvel at how fast they grow and let myself beam over their little achievements, there is this tiny part of me that wish they don't have to grow up so soon. The phenomena this day is that parents are the ones holding on to their children more than letting their children take flight. We control more than we trust; we restrict their freedom more than appreciating their ability to soar.