DNA Tan

The Other Woman

I remember presenting on this topic during one of my Toastasters meetings and was awarded the Best Speaker of the Day. The subject I was refering to was none other than my mother-in-law. So how had I crafted my speech in order to win the votes from the audience? It wasn't the catfights commonplace of most households but the intricate relationship we had woven between the initial 3 people to the complex story of 6.

Children have the power to bind the most unfamiliar srangers together and soften the toughest personality. They also have the power the break the sturdiest relationships. Things were cordial between us in the first year of marriage and I marvel my ability to adapt to living with a big household of newly established relationships; Welcome to the world of in-laws.

I saw the first change taking place when my firstborn Donovan arrived in the family. Considerations were meant for a different person since then and all of us were careful with how we deal with this little fellow, who was also the only grandchild at that time. There is a common phrase, 'It is the parents' role to dscipline and the grandparents' right to spoil'. This is the trigger to the change in our relationships. I remember favouring my grandmother over my own Mummy when I was young because she is a gentler, softer, more understanding and a more giving person. My mother on the other hand, is a total disciplinarian who puts me on tenterhooks every time she boomed with instructions. She loves me dearly of course, but perhaps it was her way of disciplining me had made me fearful. Whenever hubby talks about his childhood, he never fail to mention about his grandmother too. However, he didn't mention a lot about his mother, who didn't play an active role in his growing up as much as his grandmother did. I guess everyone has a special place in their hearts for their grandmothers when they are growing up, just like my son.

It feels differently, from the one choosing to the one being booted out. Frankly, Donovan is a very fickle-minded toddler who always runs to whoever isn't scolding him. Most of the time, it happens to be grandmother. Mother-in-law, being a soft character, gives in to him most of the time too, regardless how unreasonable his demands are. This of course, further strains the already stressful relationship between us. Many a times, I tried to convince myself that it is a privilege to have more people doting on my children and I really appreciate that they are growing up under tender loving care. But at the same time, I would like them to grow up with the right values and display the right behaviour too. Perhaps its our different opinions and way of bringing up children, I see Donovan exhibiting disrespectful behaviour, making illogical demands, manipulating and taking advantage of others. Certainly, I wouldn't want him to bring such values into childhood and even when he is an adolescent, which is why I am panicking on how can I mould and shape his character before its too late.

We don't discuss our differences and we don't even acknowledge that we see things differently. Perhaps if we don't talk about it, we can pretend that there isn't a difference. That makes hubby always sandwiched between.....again.... Actually, I wish I can be more magnaninous and not be such a petty daughter-in-law. Afterall, she brought up my hubby with the values I fell in love with, how bad can it be right?

;)